Part Two: Purpose – Inspired by Tiffany Dufu!
Purpose by definition is: the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. While at the PA Conference for Women earlier this month, I attended Tiffany Dufu’s breakout session titled “Achieving more, by doing less,” inspired by her book “Drop the Ball”. Tiffany was quite possibly one of my favorite speakers because she spoke to me on such a personal level.
Let me preface with, her message contained many many themes and some geared heavily toward women, but her overall message, is very much applicable to everyone.
Tiffany started her session with telling a story about a time that she received a phone call from her daughter’s school. Her daughter was in the second grade, and was hysterically crying. Tiffany later learned that she had missed an invitation for her daughter to attend another student’s birthday party. All the other children went and her daughter missed out. In this moment, Tiffany realized that she needed to “drop the ball.” She had a constant feeling of having to do absolutely everything, and never wanting any balls to drop. But they were dropping, and in this case, the ball she dropped was her daughter.
She began to self-reflect and reminded herself what her purpose was in doing these great things she was doing… her purpose was to not only create a path for girls and women to achieve leadership, but to be a “good mom” and a role model to her children. She began to shift her priorities and identify which balls she could drop and which ones she couldn’t in order to maintain and continue to achieve her purpose.
I could truly make this article into my own book with all of the important messages and stories she shared, but I will break down just a few here that really spoke to me.
- What inspired Tiffany’s purpose?
- The simple answer is, her parents! When her mother was 19 years old, she found out she was pregnant with Tiffany. At that time her parents were living in a very rough area and in extreme poverty, surrounded by addiction and violence. Her mother knew in that moment, her purpose was to create a different life for the unborn child she was carrying. Tiffany’s Father then joined the Army, went to college on the GI Bill and went on to obtain his PhD. Their family broke the cycle and chains of their circumstance by refocusing their priorities and creating a purpose for themselves.
I myself do not have children, but if you do, are they your purpose? What decisions and choices are you making to achieve the purpose you have for your children? Are you telling yourself that the circumstances or barriers you have in front of you are impossible? Or are you pushing yourself to achieve your purpose regardless of the challenges?
- Break out of the “HCD” – Home Control Disorder!
- Tiffany told a story about how she had an extreme control issue at home. She told many examples but one that really made me laugh (maybe because it hit close to home haha), was when she referenced how she would always refold the towels after her husband folded them because they were not folded the way she wanted them. She eventually knew that this was a ball she needed to pass along and drop! Does it really matter how the towels are folded? By dropping that ball, it allowed her to hold onto the others that again, allowed her to focus on her priority of her children! This gave her time back to not miss those invitations to parties!
Do you have HCD or WCD: “Work Control Disorder”?
We are only human and there are only so many hours in the day. In your home, really think about what matters… it surely isn’t how the towels are folded.
This is not just relatable to the home, it can easily be translated into the workplace. In the work place this is called, delegating. Trust others with tasks so that you can continue to succeed and reach your goal and stay aligned with your purpose. If you weigh yourself down and dedicate so much of your time to small tasks because you want to control anything, how does this impact your schedule and time to focus on the things that are really impactful and important?
- It is 100% ok for your purpose to change!
- I think this hit home the most for me! I have always felt that once I set a goal or identified a purpose, that I would be failing if I didn’t continue through with it. But, life changes every single day and so many of these things can (and should) shift your purpose! This is NOT a failure! It is quite the opposite as you are recognizing and accepting life as it comes!
Are you still living for a purpose that is no longer your passion and true purpose? Is it time to sit down and reflect and change your goals and purpose?
- Do not let society or others define you or your purpose!
- I had genuinely never really thought about it before, but Tiffany talked about how she wanted to be a “good” Mom. But she began to question, who is defining what a “good” Mom is… (this is why it’s in quotes above). Who is defining what a “good” wife/husband is? Who is defining what a “good” employee is? There really is no right answer to this question as the answer is always different for every person. But the point is, others should not be the ones defining who you are, your purpose and if you are achieving your purpose.
Are you creating your own definitions of who you are and your purpose? Or are you letting others define that for you?
As I said, I could continue to go on and on with all of the amazing things that Tiffany talked about and the things I took away from it. I strongly suggest that you listen to her session here: https://www.paconferenceforwomen.org/2017-session-achieving-less/ and buy her book, “Drop the Ball”!
My hope is that after reading this, that you all can sit down, define your purpose and learn which balls to drop in order to achieve your purpose! Take some of the lessons Tiffany shared and truly reflect and make sure that you are living a life that is fulfilling to you!
Feel free to drop a comment and share what your purpose is!
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Next week’s blog topic to finalize this 3-part series: Part Three: Meaning!